The Love Story...

...Between me and my umbrella.

Me and umbrellas have an unfair relationship in which they walk all over me and I have no control over the matter.

This ugly relationship started when I began university. I made the decision to commute from home (due to the fact that I'm unable to cook, so moving out would mean starvation) but commuting meant a 30 minute walk from my train station.

In the spring, this walk is awesome and has some really pretty scenery going on. In the winter, this walk is Hell. I don't even get snow in the winter to make the cold look pretty, I just get freezing rain and hailstorms. It's awesome.

To make things even better, I suffer from poor circulation. Yes, at the ripe old age of 20 I'm already suffering from poor circulation. The worst part is my hands. They react badly to the cold. And when I say badly, I mean badly.

My hands decided a few years ago that they would swell up in cold weather. Clearly, my hands love me. Anyway, this 'condition' has become nothing but a joke to my best friend, who constantly refers to me as sausage fingers or Shrek fingers in the winter. Yeah, me and my best friend often insult each other for fun.

So, back to the umbrellas. With that half hour walk ahead of me, I must be prepared for every possible weather situation. This means that I always have an umbrella in my bag.

The minute it starts raining, the umbrella goes up. This is when the horrors begin.

I walk along a main road for a part of my journey. This road never fails to be extra windy. So, basically, my umbrella doesn't stand a chance. Within minutes, my umbrella fails to stay strong and gives in to the wind. Cue dramatic brolly blowing inside out and causing me to look like an idiot. Cue beeps from the cars going past with the passengers inside having a good old laugh at my misfortune.

I've lost count of how many umbrellas have turned against me in the last two years of me being at university. I'm used to it happening by now but today I got an extra special treat.

My latest umbrella broke. Before it had even been opened. As I stepped out of uni and saw the rain, I grabbed my umbrella, went to open it and OH I was left just holding the handle. The whole top part of the useless article had completely broken off. I didn't have a hood on my coat so it was clear that I was going to look like a gorgeous sewer rat by the time I got to the train station.

So 20 minutes into my walk, a lorry starts driving up the road. There is a giant puddle on the road. I didn't realise what Mr Lorry Driver had in mind until it was too late. He went straight through that puddle at full speed and I was left looking like I'd just been for a swim in my clothes.

It's clearly been an awesome day for me.

Did I mention how much I hate umbrellas?

Do You Know What Really Annoys Me?

Gossipping Old Women.

You know the ones. I mean the ones that stand there, gossipping about everyone in your neighbourhood.

Now, I'm not saying that I despise old women (I mean, come on, I'm not completely heartless.) but I do despise how they block your way by standing in groups, gossipping, when actually they're in a shopping centre, not a tea shop.

Many times I've been trying to get shopping done and I end up stuck in a tiny little market isle behind some old dears with trolleys, having a natter. Ladies - I'm trying to move here!

Today just tipped me over the edge. I have NOT had a good week as it is. I have caught a cold. Yay. I have an ear infection, due to said cold. Yay. All I wanted from the damn shop was hairspray. That is all. So, I picked up my hairspray and made my way to the tills. Only to find the isle blocked by a group of about 7 little old ladies WHO WOULDN'T SHUT UP. I said 'Excuse me' several time. Very politely, may I add.

Since they weren't making a move, I decided to try and walk around them. I'd love to tell you that I got safely past the gossipping grannies and made my way to the tills, but in my life, things aren't that simple. As I tried to get past the nattering Nana's, my bag knocked a bottle of wine off the shelf.

So, there I was, looking as gorgeous as ever with my red nose, red eyes and the general 'I have a nasty cold' look and the whole shop was staring at me as though I'd just killed someone. Then, one of the grannies looked up at me disapprovingly and said "That was your fault!"

Now, I understand that it was my bag that knocked the bottle. HOWEVER, I wouldn't have had to squeeze my way down the isle if the OAPs were doing what they were supposed to be doing: Shopping instead of chatting!

So, that's exactly what I told the old dears. Of course, it didn't go down too well with them and they walked of snootily with their shopping trolleys muttering about the 'youth of today'.

Moral of the story: Avoid groups of gossipping old women whenever possible. If they can't be avoided, don't try to squeeze past them.

Rant for today over.

Our Flaws...

... Why are they the one thing we notice the most?

A lot of us, like myself, look into a mirror and only see the things we don't like. And when we discover new imperfections, we obsess over them.

Like the other day for example. I liked my nose. I have never found any reason to pay particular attention to my nose. Until my little sister made the mistake of pointing out that my nose was wonky in a face-on picture of myself. Me, never noticing this before, zoomed right in on my nose. Five minutes earlier I hadn't even bothered looking at my nose. Now I was sitting there like:

"OMG IT'S COMPLETELY HIDEOUS!!!!"

I couldn't believe that I had never even noticed the fact that my nose wasn't straight. I was completely blind to it until it was pointed out.

That was it then.

I spent hours analysing every face-on picture of myself, sitting there in horror at my nose just taking a casual wander to the left. I was like:

"When did this monstrosity happen?!?!"

So, I went to take a closer look at all my old school photos. Sure enough, there it was. The hideous bent nose.

For the past 20 years of my life on this earth I have never once given a care in the world to my nose. Now, it's the first thing I see.
I look in a mirror: NOSE
I take a picture: NOSE
I have a conversation with someone: CAN THEY SEE MY WONKY NOSE????

It really makes me wish I was one of those people who just accepts everything about themselves. But I'm not. So I'm just going to sit here and sulk about the fact that wonky-nose has been added to my ever-growing list of flaws.

Someone get the violins out, I feel a wave of self-pity coming on...

But seriously though, we shouldn't obsess over the flaws we see in ourselves. They make us who we are so we shouldn't fight them... Even though they're a pain in the ass sometimes.

Welcome to Stressville...

... Population: Me

So, my final year at university began this week. I already want to curl up in ball and sleep for 8 months. The amount of work that has to be done before CHRISTMAS is crazy! I'll never understand why some people think students are lazy and have it easy.

The thing with me is that I plan out all my work carefully yet I still end up in a last minute stress-hell a week before the deadline. I'm a perfectionist so I'll keep changing and tweaking until the last minute. It's all very stressful.

Anyway, I went into my first class ready to attack the workload. I was going to be productive and get a good head start on everything. But, of course, this is my life we're talking about. Instead I got caught in horrendous rain (hurrah for British Weather!) and I lost the long and hard battle with my umbrella. So I turned up on my first day back looking like the girl from The Ring. Awesome.

Oh, and just make things even better I caught a cold. Meaning that all those plans to get a head start on work completely vanished due to me being bed-bound with a hot water bottle.

Thanks Life.

Horoscopes...

...Do you ever take them seriously?

You know those daily horoscopes you get in the magazines? They usually comes in the form of "The moon is doing this and that means changes in your life blah blah blah..." Have you ever paid any attention to them? Because I never did. Until my16th birthday anyway.

The gossip magazine I used to get every month always had a few pages at the back dedicated to stating daily horoscopes for each starsign. Which, in my eyes, were always a load of rubbish. I'd never given a care to all that Zodiac stuff before. But my bestie loved reading our horoscopes. I'd usually just roll my eyes at her. Then four years ago at the start of June, she read my daily horoscope for the day thay was going to be my 16th birthday.

"Humiliation comes your way if your name begins with the letter K."

Of course, my bestie was convinced that the horoscope was going to come true because my name begins with the letter K. I just laughed. Like i'd take something like that seriously? So, I just forgot all about it. Until I woke up on the morning of my 16th birthday...

Pictures. Everwhere. Of Me. As A Child. EVERYWHERE. 

My parents decided it would be funny to stick pictures of me all over the windows to the house, Now, let me tell you a little bit about the geography of the street I live on:

Do you see where i'm going with this now? Yes, that's right. My street was one of the main routes that people walked down to get to school. Meaning that half of the people in my school walked past my house that morning and wittnessed the horrors that are my baby photos. Oh but it's worse. My parents thought it'd be nice to put modern pictures of me on the windows as well. Meaning that people would know THAT IT WAS ME!!!

After enduring a birthday full of classmates commenting on my baby photos, I finally remembered my horoscope for that day. The one that I just completely ignored because I thought it was utter bullshit.

It's safe to say that since then I have learned to pay a little more attention to my horoscopes. They're sometimes more accurate than you think.

 

Once Upon a summer in a very rainy England…

...Well The End really.

That’s how eventful my summer has been. I had so many plans for this summer. In my mind it was going to be amazing, adventure filled and would create memories to last to life time! It’s reality it just rained every other day and I came down with the worst luck.

Well, okay, I’m pretty much always unlucky but this summer just completely tested my patience. Firstly, I ended up in an emergency dentist two days before my exams. Fantastic timing of course, it’s always great revising when you have a killer toothache. Secondly, I had to use the money I’d saved up for my summer to pay my super awesome dentist. Yay. And thirdly, any plans I did have were cancelled due to rain anyway! What a great joy it is to live in England during the summertime! 

This summer was so awful, it almost topped the year I came down with the chicken pocks on my first week off school. 

It’s times like this when I wish I could be like the characters in the books I read. Their summers are always LIFE CHANGING! Oh, and they always seem to have the pick of gorgeous guys. In my life, the guy I liked ended up dating someone else this summer and instead I was practically stalked by a guy who I’ve tried so hard to keep away from. He worships me. It sounds harsh that I would try to shut him out right? But you don’t have to put up with him; he’s literally the complete opposite of me. And I don’t mean in the ‘opposites attract’ kind of way either – we just aren’t compatible. Most of the things he finds hilarious, I find offensive! It’s funny, when I was 14 a guy chasing me around all summer would have been a dream come true but now, it’s a nightmare. 

The only good thing about this summer is that I got to travel down to London as the Olympics were going on. I was so excited to take plenty of pictures of the capitol city during this once in a lifetime experience. I took about three pictures before my camera decided to just randomly stop working. See? The universe is against me. 

So whilst my friends were off on sunny vacations abroad, I sat at home with my dog and annoying younger sibling. To make up for the lack of adventure in my oh-so-awful summer, I’ve decided that right now I’m going to pick a random place on earth to visit… on Google Maps…