The Love Story...

...Between me and my umbrella.

Me and umbrellas have an unfair relationship in which they walk all over me and I have no control over the matter.

This ugly relationship started when I began university. I made the decision to commute from home (due to the fact that I'm unable to cook, so moving out would mean starvation) but commuting meant a 30 minute walk from my train station.

In the spring, this walk is awesome and has some really pretty scenery going on. In the winter, this walk is Hell. I don't even get snow in the winter to make the cold look pretty, I just get freezing rain and hailstorms. It's awesome.

To make things even better, I suffer from poor circulation. Yes, at the ripe old age of 20 I'm already suffering from poor circulation. The worst part is my hands. They react badly to the cold. And when I say badly, I mean badly.

My hands decided a few years ago that they would swell up in cold weather. Clearly, my hands love me. Anyway, this 'condition' has become nothing but a joke to my best friend, who constantly refers to me as sausage fingers or Shrek fingers in the winter. Yeah, me and my best friend often insult each other for fun.

So, back to the umbrellas. With that half hour walk ahead of me, I must be prepared for every possible weather situation. This means that I always have an umbrella in my bag.

The minute it starts raining, the umbrella goes up. This is when the horrors begin.

I walk along a main road for a part of my journey. This road never fails to be extra windy. So, basically, my umbrella doesn't stand a chance. Within minutes, my umbrella fails to stay strong and gives in to the wind. Cue dramatic brolly blowing inside out and causing me to look like an idiot. Cue beeps from the cars going past with the passengers inside having a good old laugh at my misfortune.

I've lost count of how many umbrellas have turned against me in the last two years of me being at university. I'm used to it happening by now but today I got an extra special treat.

My latest umbrella broke. Before it had even been opened. As I stepped out of uni and saw the rain, I grabbed my umbrella, went to open it and OH I was left just holding the handle. The whole top part of the useless article had completely broken off. I didn't have a hood on my coat so it was clear that I was going to look like a gorgeous sewer rat by the time I got to the train station.

So 20 minutes into my walk, a lorry starts driving up the road. There is a giant puddle on the road. I didn't realise what Mr Lorry Driver had in mind until it was too late. He went straight through that puddle at full speed and I was left looking like I'd just been for a swim in my clothes.

It's clearly been an awesome day for me.

Did I mention how much I hate umbrellas?

Do You Know What Really Annoys Me?

Gossipping Old Women.

You know the ones. I mean the ones that stand there, gossipping about everyone in your neighbourhood.

Now, I'm not saying that I despise old women (I mean, come on, I'm not completely heartless.) but I do despise how they block your way by standing in groups, gossipping, when actually they're in a shopping centre, not a tea shop.

Many times I've been trying to get shopping done and I end up stuck in a tiny little market isle behind some old dears with trolleys, having a natter. Ladies - I'm trying to move here!

Today just tipped me over the edge. I have NOT had a good week as it is. I have caught a cold. Yay. I have an ear infection, due to said cold. Yay. All I wanted from the damn shop was hairspray. That is all. So, I picked up my hairspray and made my way to the tills. Only to find the isle blocked by a group of about 7 little old ladies WHO WOULDN'T SHUT UP. I said 'Excuse me' several time. Very politely, may I add.

Since they weren't making a move, I decided to try and walk around them. I'd love to tell you that I got safely past the gossipping grannies and made my way to the tills, but in my life, things aren't that simple. As I tried to get past the nattering Nana's, my bag knocked a bottle of wine off the shelf.

So, there I was, looking as gorgeous as ever with my red nose, red eyes and the general 'I have a nasty cold' look and the whole shop was staring at me as though I'd just killed someone. Then, one of the grannies looked up at me disapprovingly and said "That was your fault!"

Now, I understand that it was my bag that knocked the bottle. HOWEVER, I wouldn't have had to squeeze my way down the isle if the OAPs were doing what they were supposed to be doing: Shopping instead of chatting!

So, that's exactly what I told the old dears. Of course, it didn't go down too well with them and they walked of snootily with their shopping trolleys muttering about the 'youth of today'.

Moral of the story: Avoid groups of gossipping old women whenever possible. If they can't be avoided, don't try to squeeze past them.

Rant for today over.

Our Flaws...

... Why are they the one thing we notice the most?

A lot of us, like myself, look into a mirror and only see the things we don't like. And when we discover new imperfections, we obsess over them.

Like the other day for example. I liked my nose. I have never found any reason to pay particular attention to my nose. Until my little sister made the mistake of pointing out that my nose was wonky in a face-on picture of myself. Me, never noticing this before, zoomed right in on my nose. Five minutes earlier I hadn't even bothered looking at my nose. Now I was sitting there like:

"OMG IT'S COMPLETELY HIDEOUS!!!!"

I couldn't believe that I had never even noticed the fact that my nose wasn't straight. I was completely blind to it until it was pointed out.

That was it then.

I spent hours analysing every face-on picture of myself, sitting there in horror at my nose just taking a casual wander to the left. I was like:

"When did this monstrosity happen?!?!"

So, I went to take a closer look at all my old school photos. Sure enough, there it was. The hideous bent nose.

For the past 20 years of my life on this earth I have never once given a care in the world to my nose. Now, it's the first thing I see.
I look in a mirror: NOSE
I take a picture: NOSE
I have a conversation with someone: CAN THEY SEE MY WONKY NOSE????

It really makes me wish I was one of those people who just accepts everything about themselves. But I'm not. So I'm just going to sit here and sulk about the fact that wonky-nose has been added to my ever-growing list of flaws.

Someone get the violins out, I feel a wave of self-pity coming on...

But seriously though, we shouldn't obsess over the flaws we see in ourselves. They make us who we are so we shouldn't fight them... Even though they're a pain in the ass sometimes.

Welcome to Stressville...

... Population: Me

So, my final year at university began this week. I already want to curl up in ball and sleep for 8 months. The amount of work that has to be done before CHRISTMAS is crazy! I'll never understand why some people think students are lazy and have it easy.

The thing with me is that I plan out all my work carefully yet I still end up in a last minute stress-hell a week before the deadline. I'm a perfectionist so I'll keep changing and tweaking until the last minute. It's all very stressful.

Anyway, I went into my first class ready to attack the workload. I was going to be productive and get a good head start on everything. But, of course, this is my life we're talking about. Instead I got caught in horrendous rain (hurrah for British Weather!) and I lost the long and hard battle with my umbrella. So I turned up on my first day back looking like the girl from The Ring. Awesome.

Oh, and just make things even better I caught a cold. Meaning that all those plans to get a head start on work completely vanished due to me being bed-bound with a hot water bottle.

Thanks Life.